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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful Books #2: (Still) Carrying the Throne

1. Overall, how is your mental state, and how is your novel going?

Currently, at this moment... I'm good. This may change. It's been a rough November for me personally, as my mental health state isn't the greatest, and I actually wasn't sure at all if I would finish NaNo. But I'm still here, still writing, still fighting, still trying. And I think I'm on my way to catching up.

2. What’s your first sentence (or paragraph)?

The fall leaves skitter on the ground in front of me, almost as if they’re fleeing. 

3. Who’s your current favourite character in your novel?
Currently, Felix. He's the easiest to write as because I've grasped his voice, and I love him. He's enjoying being in another world. Enjoying the heck out of it, actually.

4. What do you love about your novel so far?
I love how it's coming along, how it balances both our world and the fantasy one. It's like a fantasy novel, but I still get to make some pop culture references, which is super fun. It's taken some twists I didn't expect, but it's all the better for it.

5. Have you made any hilarious typos or other mistakes?
My Twitter can tell the tale...

"She puts an arm on my hand--"
No. That's not how it works. #NaNoWriMo2016

"It's creping me out."
When you're trying to convey spookiness and you end up just craving breakfast food instead. #NaNoWriMo2016

In other news, Manhattan is apparently Manhatatan. #NaNoWriMo2016

6. What is your favourite to write: beginning, middle, or end — and why?
Ugh, no idea. They each have their pros and cons.

Pro: It's fun! You get to begin a novel you're (hopefully) excited to write.

Pro: This is, arguably, where the meat of the story happens.

Pro: You're done!
Con: You're done.

That was a long-winded way of saying, "Meh. I don't have a favorite."

7. What are your writing habits? Is there a specific snack you eat? Do you listen to music? What time of day do you write best? Feel free to show us a picture of your writing space!
Whoaaa, so many questions. Let's unpack each one.

What are your writing habits?
Personally I'm fond of this thing called not writing unless it's NaNo. I am working to fix this.

Is there a specific snack you eat?
I end up getting so caught up in the story that I forget to eat. However, often you can find me eating cereal at night while I'm writing. (Cinnamon cereal, it's delicious.)

Do you listen to music?
Ideally, yes, but not lately. It's too much of a hassle for me to go find my earbuds. I'm lame.

What time of day do you write best?

Picture of my writing space:

Things that have changed since last year: my blog design and the fact that my laptop has died. I now use a desktop located at the same desk. But you can still find my flannel often discarded by my desk. (I'm wearing it right now, in fact.)

8. How private are you about your novel while you’re writing?
Super private. I mean, if you ask, I'll do my best to tell you! But it's hard for me to share. I do really like making Pinterest boards and aesthetic collages, though.

Do you need a cheer squad or do you work alone (like, ahem, Batman)?
I don't have a massive cheer squad, but I do have a few friends to cheer me on. Most of the time, though, I work alone.

9. What keeps you writing even when it’s hard?
Sometimes I don't even know. I think it boils down to the fact that writing is in my bones. I've tried to stop, but I can't. I've gone weeks or months without writing, but I always come back. And when I do, it's like coming home.

10. What are your top 3 pieces of writing advice?
It is never too late to catch up.

Be bold in your writing, take risks. Just write whatever comes to mind first. (Write it down, edit later.)

Go do this Hamilton-themed word crawl. You are welcome.

Hey! How's NaNo going? Let me know in the comments!


  1. Love the gifs in your post, especially the "blah, blah, blah" one. Sometimes it does feel never-ending, right?

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

  2. Your pro and con for "The End" made me smile. Cause IT IS SO TRUE! You're done! and yet, You're done. And those are two very different feelings.

  3. I've had a tough month mentally too, because I lost my job right before NaNo. Bleh. I hope it goes better for you. You can do it! JUST DO IT! Also I love that Dean Winchester gif. XD


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