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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

Beautiful People: Asher (Or Something)

Hi. I'm here to introduce you to my villain from Petrichor. He's a really mean dude. In fact, I've been putting this Beautiful People post off for a while now because I hate him so much. There have been villains I like, and some I ambivalently deal with, like Tyris. But then there's this guy, and I can't stand him. The closest I get to liking him is when I look at his (beautiful) face.

Here he is posing with a chainlink fence.

All jokes aside, here's my villain, Asher. It's been a long road getting to his name. His most recent name was Casper. Don't underestimate me when I say I don't like that name. This dude has been the hardest to name. I originally loved the name Asher, but when I realized I have a girl character named Astrid, ... well. That dream quickly died.

So then this dude's name changed to Daniel. I wrote a whole scene with him as Daniel. But it didn't click at all, so I tossed that name out.

And then we reached Casper. That name was the only thing I had got, but it reminded me too much of Casper the Friendly Ghost, and just wasn't him. Eeek. 

So then I gave up and named him Asher. Despite the fact that his ex-girlfriend and one of the main characters in Petrichor is named Astrid. But I've got nothing else. That being said, take all this with a grain of salt because his name could very well change.

Anyway, this guy is the villain in Petrichor. He's been around longer than he had a name (obviously). The long story is too full of spoilers, but the short version is, he's Astrid's ex. And he is not a nice dude. (Oh, I said that already.) He has a revenge vendetta and he's already hurt several people... badly. Two of the main players in my story, in fact. His actions have pretty much sent Petrichor's town, Oakridge, into a full-on war. Ah, don't you love the essence of true evilness?

1. What is their motive? 

2. What do they want, and what are they prepared to do to get it? 
Asher wants to get revenge on the man who killed his father. (I realize now how Inigo Montoya-esque that sounds. But believe me, Asher's methods of doing this are far more dubious and less-likable than Inigo's.)

3. How do they deal with conflict? 
With a giant rage-fest. Sad, but true. He has been known to get violent when angry.

4. Describe their current place of residence. 
What can only be described as the "slums" of Oakridge. Though Oakridge is a mostly upkept town, there are some areas of town that are less so than others. His home is an abandoned building, one of the few. It's where he can stay low-profile and out of reach.

5. If they were writing this story, how would it end? 
With him getting what he wants, obviously! The man who killed his father would be dead, and Asher himself would feel at peace. 

6. What habits, speech patterns, etc. are unique to them? 
He leans against stuff and either doesn't keep eye contact when talking or keeps way too much. He also has a bit of a drawl.

7. How do they show love? What do they like to do with/for people they love? 
When he and Astrid were dating, he liked to go on adventures with her. Sharing amazing experiences with the people he loves is what he loves to do most. Unfortunately, after Astrid, he doesn't love anybody else. Mildly appreciate them, yes, but love, no. Instead, he has replaced people he loves with minions, and he does not really share experiences with them so much as tell them what to do.

8. Do they have any pets? 
Nope. Maybe a dog. If he did, it would be a stray that was a mangy mutt. I'd have to think on that though.

9. Where would they go to relax/think? 
The mountains. There's a waterfall he's particularly fond of.

10. What is their weapon of choice? (FYI: words, eyes/looks, and fists count as weapons, too.) This. Or any gun he can get his hands on.

(Unfortunately, the villains edition of Beautiful People is almost over, but here's the link. A new Beautiful People post will be up on the 5th!)


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