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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

A Novel Idea: Decker & Beau

(L-R: Decker, Beau. Decker doesn't really play guitar, but the picture was too cute to pass up.)
A Novel Idea is a weekly writing meme run by Ashley @ Ashley Aspires. Check it out by clicking the button below!

A Novel Idea

Today for A Novel Idea I'm going to be featuring two of my favorite boys: Beau from The Angel Novel and Decker from Petrichor. I couldn't decide, so I just decided to shoot for double this week!

(Can you really have too many pictures of Sebastian Stan? I think not.)

First up, Beau. Wow, okay, I don't know where to start. Beau is... well, basically Grumpy Cat. He doesn't like people, and he gives off acerbic responses to everything. Good luck getting him to be nice to you. Or talk to you. Like, at all. He's had one too many bad experiences with the world.

The one person he does talk to is Violet (who I featured last week!), and while they still argue, they have a beautiful relationship. (◕‿◕✿) I love them so much.

Deep inside, he's basically just a sad, lovable puppy that's had one too many lemons handed to him. (And worse, he metaphorically hates lemonade.)

1. Where were they born? In a hospital, in their home, what city?
In a hospital in a town a few hours away from where he lives now. YEAH, I KNOW. SO VAGUE. If it helps, this story is basically sort of maybe urban fantasy and I haven't decided if it takes place in the real world or not, and if so, where in the real world. But to help make up for the lack of knowing, I'll give you other random facts: his parents were very proud to have him, his mom especially. (He took a long time to be delivered. Reluctant and stubborn as always.)

2. Where do they live now? 
A big urban city. MORE VAGUENESS. HOORAY. (But in my head, the place he lives reminds me a lot of the place I live. Which... yeah. Doesn't help either.)

3. Who are the people they are closest to? Family, friends? 
His best and only friend is Violet. The rest of the world is far from his friend. He's basically Sherlock: "I don't have friends." 

4. Where do they go when they’re angry and need to get away?
On very long drives.

x x x

Decker is from my NaNo novel in 2013. He's a side character, but he's quickly taken over the show. He's a... lovable jerk, basically. He works at a gas station and his first introduction is because he's been wounded in a gas station robbery. I haven't actually written a whole lot about him, but he has a huge soul and personality.

1. Where were they born? In a hospital, in their home, what city?
He was born in the Oakridge clinic, and delivered by the doctor at the time. The birth was assisted by Julie Moore, the mother of Astrid, who he gets to know later on.

2. Where do they live now? 
Oh my goodness. I just realized I don't really know where he lives. He lives in Oakridge, Oregon, of course--which is where Petrichor is set. But where does he LIVE.

Probably in a tiny little shack in the middle of the woods somewhere, or a tiny house on main street. Either way, it's a tiny bachelor pad.

3. Who are the people they are closest to? Family, friends? 
He's pretty much a loner, but once Petrichor starts, he gets to know Cobie, Blade, Astrid, and Ryker a lot better. He and Cobie especially hit it off--after they're done bantering ridiculously with each other, that is.

Also, I don't know if you've ever seen Adam Levine's "MOM" tattoo (if not, look it up!), but Decker also has that tattoo. He doesn't get along with many people, including his family, but for his dear mother, he makes an exception and has a very, very big soft spot. He's very close to her and she's the only reason he visits home (also nearby in Oakridge).

4. Where do they go when they’re angry and need to get away?
The shooting range! Nothing helps release anger and adrenaline like shooting at a target!

x x x

Don't forget to check out A Novel Idea--a new one debuts tomorrow! ;) Thanks to Ashley for the fabulous questions!

P.S. - I redid my blog theme, and I adore it! Hope you like it. Stay tuned for a new Beautiful People on the 5th, as well.


  1. Thanks so much for linking up! You know, of course, that I would be partial to Decker, but I was glad to "meet" both of your characters! :D
    I'll leave you with this...
    *sigh---Adam Levine!**

  2. No, one can never have too many Sebastian Stan pics.

    Loved learning about these guys! I've wanted to learn more about Beau because he's obviously awesome. And Decker sounds just fabulous. Thank you for sharing!

    (Oh, and this is Lauriloth by the way. I recently changed the name I go by.)

  3. Beau is awesome! I like him. How distant he seems, but has that one really close friend. Even though to some people he might sound really unlikable, I think he's very relate-able. I like him. :)

    I like both of their ways to cool down when angry too. Especially Decker's. :)


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