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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,
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to Grandma, with all of my love



Yesterday morning, my beautiful grandmother went home to be with Jesus. It's hard to think of what to say that would do this wonderful woman justice. I can't thank her enough for loving me and always supporting me. She has been the greatest grandma I could ask for. Her love, support, and contagious joy have meant the world to me. She truly was the hands and feet of Jesus and she taught me so much how to love. Sitting with her in her final weeks has been a precious gift.

I can't wait to see her again, and while it hurts like crazy to lose her, I know that she's happier than ever, walking around in heaven with Jesus. That was one of the things she looked forward to doing in heaven most. He loved her so much, and she loved him, and I'm so glad they're together again. I know we will see her again, too, and I'm so glad she's waiting for us there. She is so, so happy, and I'm so glad she's home. The world will not be the same without her, but heaven has just gained a precious gift. 

I love you, Grandma. Thank you. I'll see you soon.

(Your prayers in the coming weeks, for both me and my extended family, would be so appreciated.)
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  1. Emily Ann PutzkeJuly 31, 2014 at 7:34 PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Sky. I'll be praying for you and your family.

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  2. CG @ Paper FuryJuly 31, 2014 at 9:09 PM

    Oh Sky. *hugs* I'm hopeless at saying anything even remotely encouraging, but I'm so sorry and I'm just glad you'll see her again one day.

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  3. UnknownAugust 1, 2014 at 7:08 AM

    I'm so sorry, Sky. *hugs* I'll be praying for you and your family. And like Cait said, it's comforting to know that you will be together again one day. *hugs again*

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  4. Esther Brooksmith (wisdomcreates)August 1, 2014 at 10:39 AM

    I am so excited for her and, at the same time, wish I could wrap you up in God's love in a way that you won't miss her too much until you see her again. I like the way you said she went home because (for Christians because we know we will be together again) it is very much like she moved to another state. It has the disadvantage in that you can't say for sure how long it will be before you get to see her again, but it has the tremendous advantage of knowing that her new home is so awesome and she is the happiest she has ever been. :)
    Love to you, Skye.

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  5. Christine SmithAugust 2, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    I'm so sorry, Sky! I know this is such a hard time. But what a beautiful thing knowing she's in heaven with her Savior and you'll see her again one day. I've been praying for you and your family ever since you mentioned your grandmother and I will absolutely continue to pray. Love you, girl! *many hugs*

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