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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

finishing Because We Can + happy birthday, Fiona!

There once was a book called Because I'm Irish. This book is my book, and I love it dearly. Here's the thing: it's kind of my baby. I have a ton of novels, but there hasn't really been one that has stuck around and nagged at me as much as this one has. It's also the first one with an actual sequel. An actual sequel that's finished.

Yes, that's right. Because I'm Irish got a sequel, as you might remember from last year's camp. It was called Because We Can. And I continued writing it, somehow, by all miracles of miracles. (I have so many abandoned stories it's not even funny.) And I somehow managed to keep writing long enough to where I actually finished it. At 12:08 Mountain Standard Time on June 3rd, I finished Because We Can.

Here's the other thing: like Because I'm Irish, I have another baby... the main character of Because I'm Irish, Fiona Bartulli. Like her book, few characters have gotten under my skin and STAYED like Fiona has. And it's kind of funny, because June 6th is her birthday. She'd probably be 20 if we're going by the canon timeline, but time is relative anyway. In real time, it's been about two and a half years since I created her. (I started Because I'm Irish in December of 2011.)

She started out as basically a self-insertion character--which means she was practically based off of me. Until she started to get her own voice. And likes. And feelings. In actuality now, we're different and yet the same in a whole bunch of ways. (Our personality types are only off by one letter.)

If you had asked me back on December 20th of 2011 if I thought that this little story I was working on would a.) become a trilogy, and b.) mean so much to me now, I don't think I would've believed you. But seriously, guys, this is one of my favorite stories. The characters are written into my brain and heart and soul now, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get them out. I'll be writing and editing and thinking about them for a very long time. Maybe, just maybe, even the rest of my life.

So here's to you, Fiona Rose Bartulli and Because I'm Irish and Damian and Keith and all you Irish dudes and the tour bus and Irish cliffs and violin strings. You mean so much to me. Thank you for all you've done in my mind and my heart for the past 2 and a half years. Here's to many more.


started: july 12, 2013
finished: 12:08, june 3, 2014
finished wordcount: 74,864
finished pagecount: 187, single spaced

{the first book's stats}

started: december 20, 2011 
finished: july 7, 2012 
finished wordcount: 59,442 
page count: 238, double-spaced

{the third book's stats}

started: june 3, 2014 
finished: to be determined!


"It’s only been a month since Fiona Bartulli got shot in the shoulder, and she’s still not over it. The ghosts of her past  follow her wherever she goes, especially because they’ve got the wrong man behind bars. She and her closest friends search for the evidence to set things right, while fearing the reappearance of the real murderer who has gone off the grid. Even though she’s been told there’s nothing to fear, she’s still running—from the man who wants to kill her, and from herself. On her search for the truth, Fiona breaks down, and she wonders if anything in her life will ever feel sane again." (Spoiler alert: It won't. Not until the end of the third book, anyway.)

{now what?}

I assumed that I'd need a break from these characters after finishing Because We Can. However, after going through post-book-finishing depression, and unsuccessfully trying to start another novel, I finally caved in and just started writing about this crew again. I am now working on the third installment of the Because I'm Irish series. Title pending. Suggestions welcome. The super secret detailed formula for titling these things is "Because + Pronoun + Verb or Noun." Yup. Creepily (but not too creepily, you feel me?) stalk my progress on this book by visiting, which is a fantastic writing motivator. Aaand that's all, folks!


  1. I KNOW: Because You're Awesome. No really, I can see that coming..eeehe BUT CONGRATS AND FSDJKAL;F THE BIGGEST OF HI FIVES AND CAKE ALL ROUND!!!! Finish a book is the hugest feeling in the world. Who cares if it's not perfect or needs a billion rewrites? ! The finishing part demands cake and happiness. *throws confetti*

  2. it's going to be the finale yes? "Because it Happened"
    like “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." by Dr. Seuss
    ;D or something, idk.
    Happy birthday to Fiona<3


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