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note to self: i’ll be there for you, always

written june 6, 2021. Photo by Kristine Cinate on Unsplash I have always looked for myself in other people. I think the idea was that they would somehow hold the pieces of me that I felt were missing. That maybe, if I wrapped my identity up in theirs enough, we would somehow make a whole person. It's not healthy to live like this, but I did it anyway — burning through relationships and searching for something I couldn't quite name. It was never enough, not to be myself, but it was never enough to latch my identity to other people, either. I got close, several times — I thought I had reached the pinnacle of self discovery. I thought I had completed myself. But in the end, relying on other people to help build yourself is never a viable way to do things. It's only recently that I've started to become comfortable with the idea of being enough, as I am, on my own. Several years ago, in this same position, I would have searched for another person to attach my identity onto,

i don't need a telescope

ever since i posted my last post, i've been struggling to write. go figure, eh? writing suddenly became challenging for me, and i'm wondering if i'm even ready to write this story yet. so i've been dabbling in other writings, and working on other things, and working on high school biology. the last one in and of itself has been challenging.

as of tomorrow, it's a month until nanowrimo. i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to write. oh dear. we'll see how this goes.

life has been so busy. there are so many good blogposts i want to write; inspiring blog posts that encourage my creative side. i have all these ideas while i'm trying to fall asleep, and then when i wake up i don't remember them. so this blog post, i hope, will make up for the lack of blog posts. sometimes i just have to let it go, write in lowercase, and ramble.

my laptop also broke again, after just getting it back from the repair shop. apparently the first repair wasn't successful, so back to the computer shop it went. this means i do not have access to my adobe photoshop, and my creative-graphics side is suffering. this is rather frustrating, but at least i haven't been wasting time making avatars when i could be doing other things. it's a win-win situation... i guess. :p

hey, look - it's wall-e!
i've been anxious lately, over trivial things, and trying not to be. unfortunately, it doesn't work to try not to be anxious. i think i'm mostly over it now. ha... emphasis on the word mostly. still, i'm learning that i don't need to be afraid. i don't need to be afraid of making the wrong choices, or of failing. i don't need to be afraid of... well, anything.

however, putting this into practice is easier said than done.
i don't need a telescope to see that there's hope and that makes me feel brave. -owl city
i've been wondering what would happen in the blog-world if we dropped our masks and posted from our heart. i guess this is what i'm trying to do right now. it kind of helps when i can't even think straight. :P chronic pain can do that to a person. someday, i'll write a post about headaches and chronic pain and all that comes with it. but for now, i'm in too much pain. haha, isn't that so ironic?

note to self: headbanging is not a good activity to engage in when you already suffer from headaches. i have a really bad headache now, unfortunately.

that is all.


  1. I'm sorry you've not been feeling well and your laptop broke, Sky!! :( *hugs*

    "Do not be afriad. I am here" - John 16. :) I hope your headache gets better.:(


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